SHIRLEYS HUMOUR PASSAGE

TRAVEL

Oh how I love to wander round those travel agencies

Looking at the brochures of home and overseas

Those glorious illustrations seem beckoning to me

And then I get a longing for far off places for me to see.

I think I’ll take a cruise to far off foreign lands

Or go off to Bermuda and find those golden sands.

I don’t mind how I travel be it coach or even train

Better still I would enjoy a flight by aeroplane.

I’d like a look at Turkey the place no not the bird

It sounds oh so exotic or so it is I’ve heard,

I saw some pictures of it on the box the other night

When they were advertising that chocolate delight.

I wouldn’t mind a fortnight’s hike around the Countryside

Cause in the town those petrol fumes I simply can’t abide.

I crossed a field of mud one day and my shoes got very full

It was a job to run in haste when chased by a farmer’s bull,

I wondered why he chased me cause it was nothing that I said

Until I realised suddenly my sweater was bright red.

It was then that I decided I had better go by car

It’s easier to travel for short rides or for far,

I took my car to Jersey now that’s a lovely isle

I went there on the ferry and did it in great style

I put it in the hold amongst the Lorries it did fit

But during force ten gales at sea it had a direct hit.

I still look through my brochures with very itchy feet

My friends all kindly tell me I’ve ants inside my seat,

I know the pictures are not always what they seem

But it doesn’t really matter if I just sit and dream.

I’ve come to one conclusion no matter where I roam

There certainly is no better place than dear old home sweet home.

SHIRLEYS HUMOUR PASSAGE

DIETS

I’ve just stood on the bathroom scales and oh I’m in a state

I’ve never had such a surprise as when I saw my weight.

I’ve doubled it in a fortnight I seem to be such a size

When I was over eating it really was not wise.

I had a very serious think and came to one conclusion

A visit to a slimming club must be the right solution.

They put me on a diet to help me lose three stone

I only hope it doesn’t make me look like skin and bone.

Fruit juice for breakfast with a bit of luck a kipper

I came to one stage when I tried a toasted slipper.

Lettuce and cucumber, radish and shredded carrot

It won’t be so long now till I’ve a beak like our pet parrot.

Slimming bread’s no good to me it doesn’t make me full

Just tastes as if I’m eating lumps of cotton wool.

I get very tempted sometimes and long to suck a sweet

But then my conscience pricks me because I am a cheat.

Meat extract and beef tea I’m allowed to drink at will

And in my tea the sugars out it’s just a sweetening pill.

I do press-ups in the morning and also late at night

I know just at the moment I look a dreadful sight.

My leotard is stretching but not for very long

I’ll have a lithesome figure with all my bulges gone.

I do my daily jogging all around the blocks

I even got a blistered heel right through my woolly socks.

Bread and dripping’s not allowed instead a slice of toast

I hope at my visit to the club I can really boast.

I pray I’ve lost a few pounds it can’t be lack of trying

When I get off those beastly scales I hope I’ll not be sighing.

Oh good my weight is normal my bulges I have beat

So I’m off home to tea now a six-course meal to eat.

"Thoughtful" passage...

FAITH

Where would we be without it in this fast world of today?

Some-thing to hold on to and with us all to stay.

In times of trouble, darkness, and despair

Those of us with faith know help is always there.

We do not trust our Lord enough or else we’d have no fear

For he is there to care for us and those we hold so dear.

In times of grief and sadness we cannot often see

It’s part of life’s whole pattern and really has to be.

Yes faith can move mountains of that I’m very sure

And helps us with our problems to cope with and endure,

It does seem such a pity that more don’t think the same

And can only think to gain their fortune and their fame.

So when we have our troubles that don’t seem to have an end,

Just close your eyes in silence a little prayer to send,

There may not be an answer to your problems straight away

But with a little faith and patience you’ll be helped along the way.

"Thoughtful" passage...

NATURE’S GIFTS

Beating rain on window pain

Howl of wind outside

Smell of toast and Sunday roast

Are things I hold with pride.

Scudding clouds sheltering crowds

Umbrellas at the ready

Sudden shower with much power

Often long and steady.

Seasons hints and autumn tints

Flock of birds in flight

Falling snow, river’s flow

These are a wondrous sight.

Foaming brine in waves entwine

Flotsam wildly scatters

Seagulls pounce for every ounce

Of food that really matters

These things are free for you and me

To savour and rejoice

So spend some hours and use your powers

There’s such a varied choice.

"Thoughtful" passage...

FRIENDSHIP

A friend is one who is always there

And one who has the time to care

To share life’s troubles, worries and strife

That are always there in this hectic life

In turn we must indeed let it show

That we are there for friends with woe.

Let’s stop a moment before we say

A word we’ll regret by the end of the day

When things don’t go the way they should

Or we say we can’t when in fact we could

We have but one life to do as we will

So it’s up to us for the way it we fill.

On our journey through life we may not be aware

That there is a Lord in heaven our problems for to share

We think that we’re the only ones when things seem really bad

Instead of all the good times we’ve all for granted had

Everyone has problems which come from day to day

But many think that it’s only then that it’s the time to pray.

So friendships are such precious things

They’re worth much more than golden rings

Good times and memories for all to hold dear

Especially in times of darkness and fear

Let’s show our feelings and show them really true

Whilst living on this mother earth; I mean, yes me and you.