SHIRLEYS HUMOUR PASSAGE

DIETS

I’ve just stood on the bathroom scales and oh I’m in a state

I’ve never had such a surprise as when I saw my weight.

I’ve doubled it in a fortnight I seem to be such a size

When I was over eating it really was not wise.

I had a very serious think and came to one conclusion

A visit to a slimming club must be the right solution.

They put me on a diet to help me lose three stone

I only hope it doesn’t make me look like skin and bone.

Fruit juice for breakfast with a bit of luck a kipper

I came to one stage when I tried a toasted slipper.

Lettuce and cucumber, radish and shredded carrot

It won’t be so long now till I’ve a beak like our pet parrot.

Slimming bread’s no good to me it doesn’t make me full

Just tastes as if I’m eating lumps of cotton wool.

I get very tempted sometimes and long to suck a sweet

But then my conscience pricks me because I am a cheat.

Meat extract and beef tea I’m allowed to drink at will

And in my tea the sugars out it’s just a sweetening pill.

I do press-ups in the morning and also late at night

I know just at the moment I look a dreadful sight.

My leotard is stretching but not for very long

I’ll have a lithesome figure with all my bulges gone.

I do my daily jogging all around the blocks

I even got a blistered heel right through my woolly socks.

Bread and dripping’s not allowed instead a slice of toast

I hope at my visit to the club I can really boast.

I pray I’ve lost a few pounds it can’t be lack of trying

When I get off those beastly scales I hope I’ll not be sighing.

Oh good my weight is normal my bulges I have beat

So I’m off home to tea now a six-course meal to eat.