SHIRLEYS HUMOUR PASSAGE

OH DEAR I DO FEEL POORLY

Oh dear I do feel poorly, Oh dear I do feel ill

I don’t know what’s the matter? Perhaps I never will.

I’ve been to see the doctor an hour with him I spent

When I came out the surgery I wished I’d never went.

He tested my reflexes to find out all my jerks

I really cannot grumble he gave me all the works.

Oh dear I do feel poorly, Oh dear I do feel thick

I drank a pint of brandy it only made me sick

I went to see the vet in town I thought that he could see

What really was the matter and some treatment give to me

But all he did was feel my nose to see if it was warm

And said that for my age I was truly up to form.

Oh dear I do feel poorly, Oh dear I don’t feel well

I don’t get any sympathy when my aches and pains I tell

I went to see the chiropodist to him I told a tale

When he saw my size of feet he asked if I was male

He said there was but one thing that he could really tell

And that was since my entry I’d brought a pungent smell

Oh dear I do feel poorly, Oh dear I do feel queer

I’ve taken pills and potions and even drank some beer

I visited the dentist and he’s among my foes

When I sit in his special chair I look right up his nose

He said my teeth were pretty good considering my age

I think he is a comic and should be on the stage.

Oh good I do feel better I’ve left my poorly bed

It wasn’t all those ghastly things in books that I have read

My aches and pains have vanished I’m glad that they have gone

My various diagnosis were all completely wrong

The guesses at my state of health were way out and so wild

For in my arms I sit and hold a lovely newborn child.